Red Bull finally is proven dangerous to idiots.

Well, the day has finally come. Strolling through a convenience store, reading the ingredients labels of major brand energy drinks, I knew someone was going to either abuse this stuff or have it effect them in some horrible way. As a giant flare advertised “SUPER BOOST OF ENERGY AND NO COME DOWN,” I thought to myself how this oddly sounded like someone on the street telling me of a new sort of cocaine. As I read the back of a Red Bull, I tried to figure out what most of this stuff was. The ingredients are:

carbonated water, sucrose, glucose, acid (sodium citrates), taurine (0.4pc), glucuronolactone, caffeine (0.03pc), inositol, vitamins (niacinamide), pantothenic acid (B6, B12), flavours, colours (caramel, riboflavin).

Each can contains 80 milligrams of caffeine. Now I drink about two cups of coffee a day, but when I drink a Red Bull I go out of my flippin’ gourd. I can feel my body temperature rise as my mind races and my muscles gain some sort of Lance Armstrongesque endurance. An eight ounce cup of coffee has between 115-175 milligrams of caffeine in it. An espresso shot (1.5oz) usually has around 100 mg. 12 ounces of iced tea has around 70 milligrams. So as you can see, Red Bull has potentially half the amount of caffeine that a cup of coffee, and a little more than a glass of iced tea. I can’t remember the last time I drank an iced tea and felt like I could punch the head off of the Statue of Liberty.

If not the caffeine, what the heck is giving me such an insane rush? Now I know taurine is partly responsible in the muscle endurance, but this still does not explain the “buzz” and the energy boost. Don’t tell me B12 either, because I used to take B12 pills and got nowhere near what I feel from one Red Bull.

Recently, Matthew Penbross downed 8 Red Bulls in 5 hours during a motocross event. Surprisingly, HE HAD A HEART ATTACK. His heart completely stopped and had to be revived via electric shock. A doctor examined the guy and said he can find no other catalyst to induce the attack. Penbross isn’t a particularly bright guy for drinking that much Red Bull. In fact, he stated that he regularly had 4 Red Bulls every morning because he had “no time for breakfast”. Yeah, that’s it. It’s not like you wanted to feel like you were on speed or anything. Later in the article he said he drank the 8-in-5 for fast reflexes in the motocross event. Oh yeah, and for a buzz.

Still, the question remains: what the heck are these companies putting in these energy drinks that would make someone’s heart stop? Especially someone so regularly consuming these drinks? One would think that his tolerance level would have protected him. Maybe, to some extent, it did. I’d hate to see what would happen to me if I slammed back 8 Red Bulls. The hidden mystery ingredient not required by the FDA to be listed is still unnamed, but hopefully you’ll think twice if you really need such energy before drinking any of that crap.